Three Days in Paradise

by Lewis

Well, it would appear that my humans had to go somewhere again this weekend, so I got to spend another 4 days and three nights at the spa, also known as Rico's place. It was great to see Christine and Rico again, as it had been about a month since I've had a chance to roll around on the grass in the backyard. You see, this is really my grass.

Sure, there are other dogs that spend time there, I know that. I wasn't born yesterday. I've heard about the new Berner, "Lupin" or something gay like that. I've also heard about this so-called "Jasper" who has been marking his territory around the yard. But who is the king? Me, that's who. Even at my old age, I am still cute, and what I lack in puppy-appeal, I can easily make up with my charm and talent. Who else can sleep with a tennis ball in their mouth? Huh? Name them.

So I goes over to the backyard, only to find a whole yard full of people standing on my grass. Who the hell do these people think they are anyways? I guess this is something they call a "backyard BBQ"... all I know, is that this sucks. All sorts of great smelling stuff going on the BBQ, but none of it falling off the table. So I cruise around the table looking for some fallout, but everyone thinks I'm looking for attention. Screw them... bring on the steak!

So after they all eat, and it starts getting dark, instead of heading back into the house, they all stay outside! This, of course, is what I like to do, since there isn't any grass inside. As it gets dark out, Rico turns on that crazy thing that plays the images on the wall in the basement. But this time, it is playing images on the garage! What the hell? It gets cold out, but not for me of course, with my silky soft fur coat, but I hear the girls complaining, and Rico has to grab sleeping bags from the garage to keep them warm. Women... high maintenance, but you still gotta love 'em.

The next day, I get to hang out in the yard all day, as Rico is in the back making birdhouses. What the hell does he need birds hanging around for, when he's got me to keep him company? What he really should have been making, is a "Lewis-house". Waste of time if you ask me. He shouldn't be attracting the birds, he should be figuring out a way to get rid of them. Like those frickin' crows. Those frickin' things are always cawking at me... what the hell did I ever do to them? One day, if I ever catch one... Anyways, Rico says he made the birdhouses to get rid of the last few bits of the cedar that he and my human took out of the kitchen and bathroom. That Rico is a pretty handy guy, for a human.

Regardless, I got to spend plenty of time to peek through the fence and watch that frickin' bunny next door. This time, the freakin' thing is running around loose! I tell you, I dream about this all the time, and here I am, separated by a flimsy cedar fence from my dream. I can't tell you how frustrating that is.

Next day, more hanging out on the grass. I tell you, this place is awesome. No one ever goes inside. I guess it might be because of the sunny weather and the outdoor activities. Christine spent the day gardening, and Rico, well, he napped on the grass beside me. We went for a walk down Cambie later on, and I had a chance to poop and pee on everything I could find worth peeing on. We came across three other golden retrievers playing on the sidewalk. Apparently, one of them was in heat. No matter to me, cuz as far as I'm concerned, they are all worth humping. I tear off after one, but the frickin' leash got me again, and I think I damn near tore off Christine's hand. So we continue on our walk... they were picking up food at a place called "Sala Thai"... all I know is that I got to go for yet another walk.

Here it is, my last day in paradise... it was an awesome stay. I have to go home soon, as Tasha is going to be back from work soon, and I want to be there to greet her when she gets home.

Later,

Lewis